Short note about this link - Check it out

This story - I have to say - made me cry. Not even like tear up. Full on cry. I am not ashamed. It's really special
http://neatorama.cachefly.net/notes-left-behind.htm

All Hallows Eve

Halloween. Hallow E'en. All Hallows Eve. All Hallowmans. However you say it...It still isn't scary anymore.
What's scary about eating candy and dancing the night away dressed as something "Scary"...or in most cases something borderline pornographic.
In my opinion, if you're going to dress as a zombie bride, you should NOT be wearing a push up bra, under a see through lace slip. You should be rotting and dirty and frightening. And somehow I don't think your boobs would be perky if you'd been undead for years and years.
If you're going to dress like that, at least don't provide false advertising. Don't say "I'm a bunny" say "I'm asking for it." or "I'm a porn star". It IS halloween, if there was ever a day to try it out, this would be it. But scary? Is Jenna Jameson scary? ....Usually? Didn't think so. Probably the LEAST threatening person you could run into save for the easter bunny. And I think even that would give me a good fright.
Besides the fact that it is usually realllly cold on halloween. You could say "I'm getting pneumonia"
"oh, what a clever costume"

Yeah.

Vs.

You tell me....Which is more goulish?

Looking back on that question, I realize that it should be a rhetorical question...especially since, give Jenna 10 years, and she might look like the previous image....

Juuuust sayin.

Whether you're scary or not, let's get to the point...Let's make the most of the holiday that gives us an excuse to bring out our weirdest, most bizarre, surreal sides, and blame it on the moon.

Or spirits.

Or something like that.

Sounds like fun to me.

P.S.

Anyone who goes as a vampire is not my friend anymore.

Puttin that out there.

P.P.S.

Anyone who goes as Megan Fox get's a prize.

Talk about a scary costume.

Happy Halloween

Brain Etch-a-Sketch

My homepage is suddenly in German. I don't know why. I mean I guess it could be another language, but it sure looks like German. Definitely not English. That's for sure.
I'm just sitting here staring at the German. And a tree outside the window in front of me. I kind of wish I was in that tree. But once I was in it, I'd get stuck and wish I wasn't in it. That's how my life goes in general. I think thats how most people's lives go. But mine especially.
Usually, I would have some sort of point to these blogs. Usually I would have at least one other form of punctuation than periods. But my enthusiasm is just not there today. Today that little black dot is all that is worthy of ending my sentences. . . . .. . . . .. .... . ...... . .. . .. . Take that, punctuation. Oh crap now I've accidentally gone and used a comma. Who knew.
Well THIS is boring. Apologies to anyone who just lost a few thousand brain cells. I hear there's this cool toy that builds new ones or something. It's basically like an etch-a-sketch that does math or something.
New contest:
Anyone who loses 1,000+ brain cells receives a free brain...building...etch-a-sketch.

Theory on Mononucleosis. Oddly, not as boring as it sounds.

I have come across a new theory on Mononucleosis. That theory is this: It is a secret "instant-aging" mechanism for "kids" who are just TOO spry, happy, life-loving, what-have-you. I had it not too long ago and since then feel the strange urge to sleep 20 hours a day and my sit up count has gone significantly down. Yes, they warn you that it will suck up your energy for a while, but this is ridiculous. Instant. Aging. Machine. Nature's way of saying "stop being so young!" I mean it IS called "the kissing disease". Kiss too many boys (fun right?) (NOT ALLOWED) in your youth* and mother nature will get jealous and turn you old**.
I was all gung-ho about being like, "Hey, Mono, kiss my ass...if youcan CATCH IT AS I BACKFLIP AWAY!!!!" But sure enough...no backflips. Although one could argue that I couldn't do backflips to begin with. But that's not my point. My point is - Mono made me a senior citizen.
I should get into the movies cheap.
...Yes.

* FACT: Mono is most common in teenagers ages 13-19 (prime funtime youngun years) and in boys (the more rowdy energetic "fun" type, if you'll excuse my generalizing)

**FACT: Loophole...you can't get mono twice...so if you've had mono, and are as well angry with Mother Nature for stealing your youthful glow...by all means kiss as many boys as you like. Snap, mother nature. Snap.

P.S.

P.S.

Today my horoscope told me to stay away from sharp objects....
ummm...what?

Flying on a motorcycle and other ways to remedy a bad day

It's amazing how a long day at work in hot hot heat can make you into a horrible person. The moment we closed today I let out a few screams which, I'm sure frightened the remaining people on the deck outside...once I realized the doors were still open to allow ventilation...
It is also amazing, though, how a jump in the ocean and a motorcycle ride can totally remedy that feeling. The ocean here was warm today and me and my coworker jumped right in, ignoring the passing float planes and boats. I then sat my wet shorts on the back of a bike and rode around the island for a good half hour or so. If you close your eyes, its pretty darned close to flying. When I was little it was just that semi scary ride that my mother didn't feel comfortable letting my sister and I go on. Now it's...yeah...flying.
So in short, today I screamed at innocent people, jumped in the ocean, and flew around an island. no big deal. Oh and I also wrote allllll about it because I'm pretty sure everone on the planet is dying to know what I did with my day.

Well here's what other people did with THEIR days...

An old homeless man circled a cafe all day finding new and creative excuses as to why he shold get free coffee. A kid got his finger slammed in a sliding case door and cried about it...10 minutes later...A stranger tried in vain to get a girl's number (quite obnoxiously) for about 15 minutes until being rejected via flying burrito, and I'm SURE Megan Fox did something FASCINATING to every male inhabitant of planet earth.

Also in the news, French people are the worst tourists on earth, and Japanese people are the best. I'm not that surprised. American's can be frustrating tourists but they tend to tip well, whereas apparently the French do not. I'm pretty sure everytime there is an article about obnoxious people from foreign countries, it is almost always about the French. Ze Frrrrench. I personally love France. And croissants, and baguettes, and all the other French things that go along with it. France is pretty much a sweet place, and the citizens just happen to know it. Which makes them less sweet tourists, as it turns out.

Anyway, before I spark a big riot of angry frenchmen I will move on to say only this...

I'm tired.
No links, no photos. No nothing. Just a short little rant about how most things in the news annoy me.

au revoir mes amis

Or whatever the term is...

Today was beautiful, and Megan Fox still frightens people.

I'm going to start out on a good note here, before I turn to my usual sarcastic dark side...Just because today was beautiful to say the least..

Today smells like the ocean. Sometimes it doesn't so much. Every now and then, though, the whole island really does. Some people don't like it, but I do. I'm not gonna go bathe in it or anything, but it's sort of a refreshing reminder of our surroundings I think. AND to top it all off with that storybook shimmer we all know and love, I can totally hear some kids playing hide and seek with their dad outside. Quaint. Meanwhile I am hiding away in my lair writing about it all AND I have totally forgotten my point, as I got distracted with a mildly entertaining YouTube video about Canada Day. Click here to see what distracted me and decide for yourself how funny or...unfunny it is. This just in, the hide and seek game going on next door is now "Game Over". In case anyone was wondering. These are the days when everyone wishes they were from this place. Everyone tells me how lucky I am to live here. And I am...but they don't know what it's like in the winter....Although some people love it in the winter too, personally I am loving the summer. And we DO get good summers here.

I'm not going to comment on the Michael Jackson memorial that was aired recently, but I will link these videos which...I have to say...made me shed a teeny tiny tear.
...Okay so I bawled my eyes out. Can you blame me?

Shaheen Jafargholi from Britain's Got Talent was one of the performers who stood out to me. Brooke Shields and Paris Jackson were also among the appearances who made a lasting impression on me.
The whole memorial is difficult to find online but can be seen in parts in YouTube.

Otherwise, the news these days isn't entirely shocking stuff. Lady Gaga wore a mask. Been done before. Although this time she apparently is obsessed with sex shop-esque clothing...Classy Gaga...Classy.
She is probably trying to find a "fashionista" way to cover her face after Kelly Osbourne called her butterface. "Everything looks great but-her-face"

Once again...The Osbournes are ever so classy.

So now Lady Gaga is trying to be like, "Yeah well I didn't take it personally, I just LIKE wearing fabric over my face to hide my deformities..."

It's okay, Gaga...everyone knows you're a little bit ugly....it happens.


Also in the "news" today, Obama was caught possibly checking someone out. Because since he is president he is therefore not human and also blind, it would seem. Also he never looks to either side of him....Also in his defense, the woman's rear end is covered in shiny shimmery purple fabric and it is PROTRUDING. You would have to be gay, blind, and probably dead NOT to notice it.

Plus, there was been a four year old tennis prodigy discovered, Britney Spears still looks like smoker-barbie-gone-asian in all her videos, Megan Fox is STILL that dark controversial sex symbol that no one REALLY likes, and Emma Watson realllly didn't like kissing Rupert Grint in the new Harry Potter movie.

The End.

R.I.P. Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson died unexpectedly, as the entire world knows, on the 25th of this month. It feels like the beginning of the end of an era. Some people argue that he died when he started to get "weird" some people simply accept the fact that he's died, and some will never really believe he is dead. He won't really be...his music, his style, everything about his is so legendary that it has been passed through to every aspect of the entertainment industry, and further. Even if you don't know it, that dance move you just learned in you dance class was Michael Jackson inspired. Those notes Justin Timberlake is so fond of...Michael Jackson. The glove, the pants, everything. So as we struggle to let go of one of the biggest icons of all time...do a little moonwalk, don a fedora, or listen to a classic - He'll always be around. It's just that now, some of us won't get to see him live in concert...Here is a link to his website, they are doing a special "remembering Michael Jackson" thing right now. http://www.michaeljackson.com/

Don't Stop Till You Get Enough

August: Spread the Love

I have been so uninspired lately, it's not even healthy. I think. Although I am fairly certain that your inspiration levels can not have any effect on your physical health...if they could...I would most definitely be in critical condition right now. Inspiration is kind of like air for me.
Anyways the point of this sudden little burst of writing activity:

Being born in August, I always got to be the kid in class who was not in the same month as a holiday, therefore I did not get twice the presents that month...I also didn't get an in-class birthday in which we were allowed to neglect learning for a minute or two to eat cake and be more than a little embarrassed by guest appearances by parents.

Yes August was always the random month for me. People would say "Your birthday IS the holiday!" But I didn't buy that. That had about the effect that "You can do anything you set your mind to" did.

Today - as I was off of work and laying in relatively hot weather that rose into this particular room creating a sauna - I became too delirious to really DO anything. So somehow I came about reading all the little text in the calendar days. Things like, "Mother's day (US)", "Write a friend month" Little things like that which, in some cases, I did not know about. And I'm pretty sure most other people don't know about either. Which was why I felt the need to BROADCAST THIS BECAUSE IT IS SO COOL AND SHOULD BE OBLIGATORY TO CELEBRATE.

Ready?


August: Romance Awareness Month.
August 25: Kiss and Make Up Day
August 27: Global Forgiveness Day

These are real official holidays. I looked them up.
Kiss and Make Up Day is pretty self explanitory. It is a day in which you can set aside all quarrels, put away your pride, and Kiss. And make up.
Apparently some people start fights just so they can kiss and make up the next day (August 25)
Global Forgiveness Day is celebrated by sincerely apologizing to someone. Publicly. And if someone apologizes to you, set aside your grudge and forgive them. Let goooo of ze baggage.

My life feels so much more happy now. Just because of those simple simple days.

Now if everyone would know about them suddenly...that would be great.

Tell someone you love them in August.
Forgive someone.
Kiss and Make up.

All very good things. Should happen everyday, but as Mother's day, Father's day, and pretty much every other holiday have taught us, sometimes we need a day off work and a calendar date to push us in the right direction. (Although since when do we get time off for things like that?)

Who loves Ron Howard? Not Dan Brown.

Tom Hanks has gone and saved a bride.
Who knew?
As if Tom Hanks needed to be any more of a creeper, he saw some woman on her wedding day when her wedding car got stopped because they tried to drive it through the Angels&Demons set. Tom Hanks said, "You are the most beautiful woman in the world today" yelled, "CUT!" and asked if he could escort her to her wedding. So basically he yelled "Cut" so the movie would top filming and he could get this woman to her wedding on time.
There are two things about this story I would like to point out.
1) Where's the flaming arrows? The monsters? The high speed car chase? If all you need to do is hold someones hand across a Piazza to be called a hero, I'm totally doing that next time I see someone trying to cross one. Of course if I did it, (me being, NOT Tom Hanks) I would probably get my face put in the papers as the Piazza-personal-space-invader. I don't think it would go over as well if I, or anyone else for that matter, tried it.
2) That is not fair. Tom Hanks basically butted in where her dad had been and made this the best day of this woman's life. Do you know HOW MANY people were probably getting married that SAME day? And had MUCH worse issues than getting stuck in some traffic? Not even traffic traffic. Famous movie set traffic. Tom Hanks really should have picked his battle more carefully. Gone for a burning building rescue or something.
So great. Now Tom Hanks is a bride rescuer. So long as your "distress" is something like...hmmm. NOT ACTUALLY REQUIRING HIS HELP AT ALL.
He also took the couple to the red carpet with him a year after the wedding.
Something feels like Tom Hanks is kind of pushing his way into these peoples' lives. Look out, hubby. TomHanks is GOING to move into your house.

Also in the news...

Ron Howard tried to get an author drunk. Something in the back of my mind wants to say "Oh Ronnie tried to get some guy drunk again. Better call the lawyers up." Just feels like something that might be recurring for some reason.
There's really not much to this story. Ron Howard tried to get Dan Brown drunk so that he would tell him the plot to his follow up books. The headline was much more entertaining than the actual story. So here it is again just for a good giggle:
"Ron Howard tries to get author drunk"
You're welcome.

Other than that, guess what-Jennifer Aniston hit the news again today. Not even a relevant story either. Some segue about how one of her ex-boyfriends made a terrible lame proposal. The article took one good chance to call her "unluck-in-love" again, even though it was totally out of context, and then blabbed a little bit about how happy she is to be in the limelight.

I think I should stay away from hollywood stories for a while. I'm becoming less and less impressed with every headline I read.

Although Ron Howard's line was good. Remind me to hang out with him more often.

Oprah, Dijon, KFC: America

First up this evening:
President Obama's burger topping sparks outrage.
Really?
Well. Apparently the media edited out his request for Dijon mustard (Grey Poupon, to me more SCANDALOUSLY specific.) in attempts to maintain his "man of the people" image.
I eat Dijon mustard...does that make me classy? No because I also put ketchup on my eggs and cut my jeans off in the summer. He wears designer suits, but isn't allowed to openly order dijon mustard? Welcome to the United States of America. Even Yahoo had a laugh at this one. Link.

Second: The list of this years most popular baby names has been released! We can all pop that champagne now. Here's the news: Emma and Jacob are the top names with a never before seen Alexander coming in a close 6 and another never before seen Chloe coming in at 10. BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!!!
Girls came in with a solid list of: Emma, Isabella, Emily, Madison, Ava, Olivia, Sophia, Abigail, Elizabeth, and Chloe.
Boys with: Jacob, Michael, Ethan, Joshua, Daniel, Alexander, Anthony, William, Christopher, and Matthew.
Now I would like to point out that this list. Is almost identical to every other year's list. These names have been around since Alexander the great, Daphnis and Chloe, William Shakespeare, Christopher Columbus, and so forth. Why do we bother with these lists? When you KNOW everyone's going to pick something like Radioscience or Mango. It's seeming more and more like the man's desperate attempt to keep people sane every year.

The next and last thing I have to say is this headline:
"KFC apologizes over Oprah coupon."
Need I say more?
I don't even understand this.
Hows that for news?

I am a romantic outcast.

This is a post, in dedication to Jennifer Aniston.

Why can't we all just leave her alone? She has no more love troubles than you or me or your neighbor, or your neighbor's son's roomate. For some reason, though, the entire media has hand picked her to be the "broken sad lonely" one who is always "out of love" again. Then all you need is a photo of her looking sad. Or even happy for that matter. Caption it with "Jen, heartbroken again, WHEN WILL SHE FIND LOVE?" or "Jen is staying strong, that's our girl!"
But I guess she IS strong in a way. In a way that she's good at ignoring all the media trying their hardest to make Brangelina her problem.
She's not 14, she's not a puppy, she's not a romantic outcast, and she's not a jealous ex-wife bitch. If she's those things, then so am I. Count me in.
Are you next to join the rebellion? (click)
I am a romantic outcast.

Note to media: Please stop running "Poor -Jennifer-Aniston" stories. They're taking up space.
While youre at it. Please stop running entire articles on what the first lady wore today. Qu'est-ce que le point?

You are my sunshine.

It's amazing the healing power of a couple hours of sun. Which is ironic seeing as enough hours of sun will give you Melanoma.
By now I figure its only a matter of time, for me, so until then...I still love the sun.
Somehow it always manages to take whatever problems you may have with your life and erase the. Although temporarily...I'LL TAKE IT.
And now I have come to realize that I am too relaxed to think or type.
So this is going to be the end of this entry.
Right now.
Here it is.
The end is coming.
This is it.
The end.
HAh.

About the Links..

I have just figured out how to link things into my blogs. So if you are reading one of them and see the purple or blue link color on it...it will take you to whatever that word is relevant to...Example: "Susan Boyle" will take you to a youtube video of her America's Got Talent audition. Or sometimes the keywords are linked. Those are to the articles I got them from or just cool things. In short: I encourage you to click the links and see what happy surprises are waiting for you on the other side of them.
THEY ARE NOT ADS.
They are simple little presents for yoooouuu!!!

The news says the darndest things...

ACTUALLY now that I look at today's headlines I have changed my mind and decided that I definitely have a LOT to say about them!

First on the chopping block: Abandoning your kids at a restaurant.
Okay. So I know there's a freakishly immoral hospital where you can dump your kids and NOT call it abandonment...but that is NOT this restaurant. I mean I guess if you're GONNA abandon your kids it is nice to order them pizza before you go...But what's next?
"Yes I'll have the day's special, annnnnd those three german kids over there." BAM new family. Not at all cool. How do you run out of money that fast, that on the WAY to the coast you're like, "wow. we're suddenly really broke....did NOT see that one coming. I mean yesterday we had 10 whole dollars....well let's ditch the kids." It makes no sense to me. Then again neither does running from parole. Which is also something they did. Classy.

Second up: Susan Boyle.
Here's the big topic everyone's talking about. I guess I would be the controversial one to say I wasn't that thrilled with her.
Yes, people were unfairly and openly rude to her to begin with just because she is a little on the odd side....and YES she shocked everyone....but really...I didn't think she was THAT amazing. Also, call me evil or whatever, but something tells me the whole, "I live with my cats, and have never kissed a boy" thing is just a little TOO cliche to be true. Though not hard to believe considering her...Susan Boyle-ness. Anyways there was a headline today about Simon Cowell being "Embarassed" and "fed up" with her. I read the article expecting something scandalous and juicy like...she abandoned her kids in a restaurant and ran from parole officers. Or pulled an Ashlee Simpson or something like that. But get this. Here's the BIG STORY.
Simon told her to get it together for the final round because she's going to have to raise the bar AGAIN etc etc etc. Same thing we've heard 10,000,000 times on American Idol, Britain's Got Talent, America's Got Talent, So You Think You Can Dance, or even just in high school. Scanadalous. In summary: Susan Boyle=Crazy (staged?) cat lady who can sing really loudly and say weird thing on t.v. And didn't do ANYTHING interesting. Again.

Three: "Why do siblings need to fight?" was the headline on one MSN story today.
There seems to be a whole study on it.
Why? I can answer that question right here in one sentence.
Because we despise eachother.
But really. Actually. Seriously. Who else are we going to fight with who will still be there when it's all over? Friends are free to go anytime. Family's stuck with you no matter how many shoes you throw at eachother.

Four: Hitler's artwork.
So. Now people are wondering how much his art is worth. A couple pieces were recently auctioned off for $42,000 total. Well THAT would have been SUPER handy back when he actually painted them. How about supporting an evil genius artist BEFORE he starts a holocaust? For someone as CLEARLY insecure as Hitler was, I'm sure it was no help that he was ridiculed and everyone called his art crap. I would much rather have crap paintings in my house than nazi's. So basically this auction is all good and such, but just about...oh I don't know...NINETY FIVE YEARS TOO LATE. Maybe all he wanted was to be a great painter. When that didn't pan out...He thought he'd try King of the World for a while. By violent force.
Just a thought.
Next time you see a struggling artist, tell him he's a genius even if he sucks. He might try and take over the world someday in the place of artwork. Everyone knows artists are generally mentally unstable in some way.

Exaggerations. And also not....exaggerations...

A funny thing happened today. And by funny I mean horridly grotesque. I'm pretty sure the word "grotesque" is actually waaaay to serious for this particular event, but a girl's got to exaggerate now and then right?

The answer is Yes....
By the way.

A girl HAS got to exaggerate....

Wow. Anyways...

There comes a time in one's life (and my one, I mean ONLY ME) where you accidentally stab yourself in the jaw with a curtain hook.
And that, I can assure you, is no exaggeration.

Right into the jaw. Isn't that nice? I have never felt more like a fish in my life.
By the way it was totally not my fault. I simply knelt down to paint a wall close to the floor and the hook just came flying at me from NOWHERE.

Speaking of exaggerating.........

So that is my story today. Not terribly exciting but I really have nothing else to rant about except the horrible amount of pain the left side of my face is in. Difficult to think about silly things like the news.

Maybe later.
*sympathy* *pity* "oh-how-sad-you-must-be-in-so-much-pain-you-poor-poor-innocent-girl" aaaannnnd END.
thankyouverymuch.

P.S.

Click here for my new favorite youtube video.

Dear Reader-
This little white text box has been filled about 4 or 5 times now, getting erased each time only to start new. Therefore I am giving up today. Please disregard this even though I posted it so clearly you are meant to read it. I make my own rules, okay? Ok. Cool. This is text. Text text. Text text text. Texty text. Insert joke. Insert awkward anecdote. Insert laughter. Insert closing statement. Have a nice day.
-End.

Happy Easter

Today, as most know, is Easter. The day Christ was resurrected. Clearly the obvious choice for celebration is to put candy in baskets and paint on eggs. Then you must lie to your children and tell them a bunny came to their house and hid stuff in their yard. This all makes SO much sense...but just for fun. I did a little teeny bit of research on the topic of: The EASTER BUNNY!
Skeptic that I may be, it's quite the search. The results are even more fun.

First off, in case anyone was wondering WHERE the bunny hopped on over from...That would be in Alsace. But it's Germany you have to thank for the chocolate ones.
Second...I DID manage to make a little sense of the whole...rabbit/egg bit. Both being symbols of fertility. The next step was connecting that to the resurrection of Christ. I may just be missing the big obvious connection but if that's the case....yeah I'm just not seeing it.
Anyway then there was this whole bit on how rabbits mate like mad this time of year and the males are always fighting over the females, but the females always "rebuff" the males before they really get a chance. Interesting bit I'd like to point out here is that, that particular part reminds me tremendously of my life, and the life of so many others. Can I get a what-WHAT?
In short. No one really knows why a rabbit would "lay eggs" (or steal them from poor innocent chickens) or why we celebrate this on this day. So after all that research....I found out a lot about nothing. And just suckered you into reading all about it!! But FURTHERMORE.....

Of course most places don't let the whole giant sneaky bunny thing fly. For example...In the Czech Republic, apparently it's traditional to spank and/or whip the women. Then they throw cold water on them. BUT (here's the catch) apparently it is NOT painful and it is said that the whipping and what not is necessary for maintaining the woman's beauty and health. So if you're ever feeling down. Ask someone to whip you, spank you, and throw cold water on you. ColdFX is just a marketing scam. No offense ColdFX.

Or Nordic countries like to watch Murder stories on Easter. Which I find somewhat ironic....or insensitive....or something. I'm not quite sure what I think of this one...

Finland/Sweden/Denmark-Apparently kids like to dress up as witches and such, go door to door and collect....pussy willows. Yes.

But we are not ones to judge really. We have a giant bunny that hippity hops on down the bunny trail hiding unborn chickens in our yards. But it's all good. They're colored. Not to worry.
Happy Easter everybody. Enjoy the day and be glad you are making merriment and not being ambushed with cold water. Unless thats your thing. Which it may be. I can't judge if I haven't tried it. Maybe next year I'll go abroad for Easter.

Doesn't understand...

I don't understand lots of things. Here is a top 10 list of things I do not understand.

1. Boys
2. Quadratic Equations
3. My calorie intake vs. my current weight
4. Boys
5. The concept of working
6. Boys
7. People's immediate tendency to let me down, for no apparent reason.
8. Why Jelly Belly continues to make Black Licorice flavored Jelly Belly's when clearly no one likes them.
9. Boys
10. Men


These are things I don't understand. You may notice that the word "boys" is on there multiple times. Also there is the word "men" which is the same thing. Only very different. These are recurring reasons simply because: they are the things I understand the least and deserve lots of places on that list. Can I get a what-WHAT?!?

Note to boys. All boys. Everywhere:
Make your intentions clear straight off the bat. It saves everyone so much time.

And also. Don't ignore us when you're feeling guilty.

ALSO: If we break up with you, LEAVE US ALONE. Screaming profanities at us doesn't ACTUALLY have us grovelling at your heels. AND: "I don't want to be with you anymore" does NOT mean, "I still love you and desperately want to have your babies"

Sorry.

-Fin-

Brody Jenner can krump like a mo fo.

Visiting my ever cool blog once again as I am laying in bed. Again.
I really need to stop being so bed-ridden. And that is le fact.
I had to go and ruin my health by trying to be healthy....if that makes sense.
As my awesome possum AUSTRALIA TRIP draws ever nearer, I realized "Wow. Hm. I need some money. And some strength back in my body." Therefore I went and took on LOTS of days at work. AND I began getting to bed earlier (This is good) and getting up earlier to do some extremely good feeling cardio and pilates and such before walking to work (This is bad). The end of this story involves me running around the back of my workplace despererately hoping that the pain I am feeling in my left side, right under my ribcage is just a cramp. Even though I know it's mono following me around.
So now I am in bed. Blogging. About why I am blogging.
Gripping.
I know.


I think I should audition for American Idol. I want to be one of those kids whos like, "yeah I never had a singing lesson in my life, and I'm not in a band, but I quit my job and ditched all my friends to be here because I am a ROCKSTAR."

I could then begin my sing-a-long version on fall out boy songs without the actual music to sing along to.

Forget the words.

Make my own.

And be THE NEXT AMERICAN IDOL.

Because I am just so damn likable.

I watched that show last night. Can you tell? Mind you I also watched America's Best Dance Crew last season and I also thought I should join a street dance team in East L.A. and win THAT show too.
The underdog white girl. Just like on Bring it On 3 or whatever number that was. With Hayden Pannettiere. You know. The one where she was all like, "I'm a poor scared little white girl who moved to the ghetto.......BUT I CAN KRUMP LIKE A MO FO."
Yeh. That one.

You know the one.

Thank you very much for tuning in, next week we discuss Guyland.

No wait that was today. And that wasn't me. And it was the radio. And it was an expert on Guys wanting to be guys. It is officially now called Guyland. Like it's an actual word. Referring to football playing, messy apartment, single guys who hang out with other guys (Example: Bromance, the new hit reality series featuring Brody Jenner) and be MANLY MEN.

I always just thought they were called homophobes afraid of commitment.
H.A.C.

Look it up.

Thank you very much
I am le out.

Still sick. BETTY!

I. Have been watching Ugly Betty for a day and a half straight.
I've lived off a smoothie all day.
And I'm still on my couch.
Is that wrong?
It feels a little wrong.
But at the same time it feels so right.

Except something smells severely like Sharpie.

I want jello shooters. And a headstrong scottish friend from the closet dept. of the magazine at which I work and my boss is super cool. And let's me go to all kinds of events and such....

Mika is playing in the club theyre in....and my feet are cold.

Mmmm smells like mono.

Get coverage at the right price!...?

Out of the blue. I am choking on my throat. I hope that sets a nice image for you. If you can picture what that feels like.
So I got a day off work. Life is so like that isn't it.
I like to think of it as......taking a mental health day. Not really that's just what the commercial that's on T.V. just said. I thought it fit well enough here. Although commercials do that to me. I can sit here and get totally sucked into an infomercial for like....the magic bullet and an hour later I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT. I NEED TO PUREE MY FOOD IN 3 SECONDS OR LESS!!!! I also need to "get coverage at the right price" 877 438 2211 DIRECT. Apparently only if I'm in the south eastern corner of the United States though. What is it will Canada STEALING TV FROM RANDOM OTHER PLACES?!?!
You know whats on channel 10 right now? MANDARIN NEWS.
After that? You know what it is? I don't know either cuz its in Arabic. Yep. Cultured right? Or just low on television.
Guess what else. Where there's a cable hookup, there's an EST and "Electronics system technician" Well I just looked outside and I don't see any good looking technicians. Or ANY for that matter.
I get the feeling the media might be feeding me lies.
....
....
NAAAAAH.


So to sum it all up.
I have strep.

Notes on Wings

I want wings.
Really badly.
Wings are sweet.
And I want them.
I also want a designer to adjust all my clothes to accommodate wings.

The end.