About the Links..

I have just figured out how to link things into my blogs. So if you are reading one of them and see the purple or blue link color on it...it will take you to whatever that word is relevant to...Example: "Susan Boyle" will take you to a youtube video of her America's Got Talent audition. Or sometimes the keywords are linked. Those are to the articles I got them from or just cool things. In short: I encourage you to click the links and see what happy surprises are waiting for you on the other side of them.
THEY ARE NOT ADS.
They are simple little presents for yoooouuu!!!

The news says the darndest things...

ACTUALLY now that I look at today's headlines I have changed my mind and decided that I definitely have a LOT to say about them!

First on the chopping block: Abandoning your kids at a restaurant.
Okay. So I know there's a freakishly immoral hospital where you can dump your kids and NOT call it abandonment...but that is NOT this restaurant. I mean I guess if you're GONNA abandon your kids it is nice to order them pizza before you go...But what's next?
"Yes I'll have the day's special, annnnnd those three german kids over there." BAM new family. Not at all cool. How do you run out of money that fast, that on the WAY to the coast you're like, "wow. we're suddenly really broke....did NOT see that one coming. I mean yesterday we had 10 whole dollars....well let's ditch the kids." It makes no sense to me. Then again neither does running from parole. Which is also something they did. Classy.

Second up: Susan Boyle.
Here's the big topic everyone's talking about. I guess I would be the controversial one to say I wasn't that thrilled with her.
Yes, people were unfairly and openly rude to her to begin with just because she is a little on the odd side....and YES she shocked everyone....but really...I didn't think she was THAT amazing. Also, call me evil or whatever, but something tells me the whole, "I live with my cats, and have never kissed a boy" thing is just a little TOO cliche to be true. Though not hard to believe considering her...Susan Boyle-ness. Anyways there was a headline today about Simon Cowell being "Embarassed" and "fed up" with her. I read the article expecting something scandalous and juicy like...she abandoned her kids in a restaurant and ran from parole officers. Or pulled an Ashlee Simpson or something like that. But get this. Here's the BIG STORY.
Simon told her to get it together for the final round because she's going to have to raise the bar AGAIN etc etc etc. Same thing we've heard 10,000,000 times on American Idol, Britain's Got Talent, America's Got Talent, So You Think You Can Dance, or even just in high school. Scanadalous. In summary: Susan Boyle=Crazy (staged?) cat lady who can sing really loudly and say weird thing on t.v. And didn't do ANYTHING interesting. Again.

Three: "Why do siblings need to fight?" was the headline on one MSN story today.
There seems to be a whole study on it.
Why? I can answer that question right here in one sentence.
Because we despise eachother.
But really. Actually. Seriously. Who else are we going to fight with who will still be there when it's all over? Friends are free to go anytime. Family's stuck with you no matter how many shoes you throw at eachother.

Four: Hitler's artwork.
So. Now people are wondering how much his art is worth. A couple pieces were recently auctioned off for $42,000 total. Well THAT would have been SUPER handy back when he actually painted them. How about supporting an evil genius artist BEFORE he starts a holocaust? For someone as CLEARLY insecure as Hitler was, I'm sure it was no help that he was ridiculed and everyone called his art crap. I would much rather have crap paintings in my house than nazi's. So basically this auction is all good and such, but just about...oh I don't know...NINETY FIVE YEARS TOO LATE. Maybe all he wanted was to be a great painter. When that didn't pan out...He thought he'd try King of the World for a while. By violent force.
Just a thought.
Next time you see a struggling artist, tell him he's a genius even if he sucks. He might try and take over the world someday in the place of artwork. Everyone knows artists are generally mentally unstable in some way.

Exaggerations. And also not....exaggerations...

A funny thing happened today. And by funny I mean horridly grotesque. I'm pretty sure the word "grotesque" is actually waaaay to serious for this particular event, but a girl's got to exaggerate now and then right?

The answer is Yes....
By the way.

A girl HAS got to exaggerate....

Wow. Anyways...

There comes a time in one's life (and my one, I mean ONLY ME) where you accidentally stab yourself in the jaw with a curtain hook.
And that, I can assure you, is no exaggeration.

Right into the jaw. Isn't that nice? I have never felt more like a fish in my life.
By the way it was totally not my fault. I simply knelt down to paint a wall close to the floor and the hook just came flying at me from NOWHERE.

Speaking of exaggerating.........

So that is my story today. Not terribly exciting but I really have nothing else to rant about except the horrible amount of pain the left side of my face is in. Difficult to think about silly things like the news.

Maybe later.
*sympathy* *pity* "oh-how-sad-you-must-be-in-so-much-pain-you-poor-poor-innocent-girl" aaaannnnd END.
thankyouverymuch.

P.S.

Click here for my new favorite youtube video.

Dear Reader-
This little white text box has been filled about 4 or 5 times now, getting erased each time only to start new. Therefore I am giving up today. Please disregard this even though I posted it so clearly you are meant to read it. I make my own rules, okay? Ok. Cool. This is text. Text text. Text text text. Texty text. Insert joke. Insert awkward anecdote. Insert laughter. Insert closing statement. Have a nice day.
-End.

Happy Easter

Today, as most know, is Easter. The day Christ was resurrected. Clearly the obvious choice for celebration is to put candy in baskets and paint on eggs. Then you must lie to your children and tell them a bunny came to their house and hid stuff in their yard. This all makes SO much sense...but just for fun. I did a little teeny bit of research on the topic of: The EASTER BUNNY!
Skeptic that I may be, it's quite the search. The results are even more fun.

First off, in case anyone was wondering WHERE the bunny hopped on over from...That would be in Alsace. But it's Germany you have to thank for the chocolate ones.
Second...I DID manage to make a little sense of the whole...rabbit/egg bit. Both being symbols of fertility. The next step was connecting that to the resurrection of Christ. I may just be missing the big obvious connection but if that's the case....yeah I'm just not seeing it.
Anyway then there was this whole bit on how rabbits mate like mad this time of year and the males are always fighting over the females, but the females always "rebuff" the males before they really get a chance. Interesting bit I'd like to point out here is that, that particular part reminds me tremendously of my life, and the life of so many others. Can I get a what-WHAT?
In short. No one really knows why a rabbit would "lay eggs" (or steal them from poor innocent chickens) or why we celebrate this on this day. So after all that research....I found out a lot about nothing. And just suckered you into reading all about it!! But FURTHERMORE.....

Of course most places don't let the whole giant sneaky bunny thing fly. For example...In the Czech Republic, apparently it's traditional to spank and/or whip the women. Then they throw cold water on them. BUT (here's the catch) apparently it is NOT painful and it is said that the whipping and what not is necessary for maintaining the woman's beauty and health. So if you're ever feeling down. Ask someone to whip you, spank you, and throw cold water on you. ColdFX is just a marketing scam. No offense ColdFX.

Or Nordic countries like to watch Murder stories on Easter. Which I find somewhat ironic....or insensitive....or something. I'm not quite sure what I think of this one...

Finland/Sweden/Denmark-Apparently kids like to dress up as witches and such, go door to door and collect....pussy willows. Yes.

But we are not ones to judge really. We have a giant bunny that hippity hops on down the bunny trail hiding unborn chickens in our yards. But it's all good. They're colored. Not to worry.
Happy Easter everybody. Enjoy the day and be glad you are making merriment and not being ambushed with cold water. Unless thats your thing. Which it may be. I can't judge if I haven't tried it. Maybe next year I'll go abroad for Easter.

Doesn't understand...

I don't understand lots of things. Here is a top 10 list of things I do not understand.

1. Boys
2. Quadratic Equations
3. My calorie intake vs. my current weight
4. Boys
5. The concept of working
6. Boys
7. People's immediate tendency to let me down, for no apparent reason.
8. Why Jelly Belly continues to make Black Licorice flavored Jelly Belly's when clearly no one likes them.
9. Boys
10. Men


These are things I don't understand. You may notice that the word "boys" is on there multiple times. Also there is the word "men" which is the same thing. Only very different. These are recurring reasons simply because: they are the things I understand the least and deserve lots of places on that list. Can I get a what-WHAT?!?

Note to boys. All boys. Everywhere:
Make your intentions clear straight off the bat. It saves everyone so much time.

And also. Don't ignore us when you're feeling guilty.

ALSO: If we break up with you, LEAVE US ALONE. Screaming profanities at us doesn't ACTUALLY have us grovelling at your heels. AND: "I don't want to be with you anymore" does NOT mean, "I still love you and desperately want to have your babies"

Sorry.

-Fin-

Brody Jenner can krump like a mo fo.

Visiting my ever cool blog once again as I am laying in bed. Again.
I really need to stop being so bed-ridden. And that is le fact.
I had to go and ruin my health by trying to be healthy....if that makes sense.
As my awesome possum AUSTRALIA TRIP draws ever nearer, I realized "Wow. Hm. I need some money. And some strength back in my body." Therefore I went and took on LOTS of days at work. AND I began getting to bed earlier (This is good) and getting up earlier to do some extremely good feeling cardio and pilates and such before walking to work (This is bad). The end of this story involves me running around the back of my workplace despererately hoping that the pain I am feeling in my left side, right under my ribcage is just a cramp. Even though I know it's mono following me around.
So now I am in bed. Blogging. About why I am blogging.
Gripping.
I know.


I think I should audition for American Idol. I want to be one of those kids whos like, "yeah I never had a singing lesson in my life, and I'm not in a band, but I quit my job and ditched all my friends to be here because I am a ROCKSTAR."

I could then begin my sing-a-long version on fall out boy songs without the actual music to sing along to.

Forget the words.

Make my own.

And be THE NEXT AMERICAN IDOL.

Because I am just so damn likable.

I watched that show last night. Can you tell? Mind you I also watched America's Best Dance Crew last season and I also thought I should join a street dance team in East L.A. and win THAT show too.
The underdog white girl. Just like on Bring it On 3 or whatever number that was. With Hayden Pannettiere. You know. The one where she was all like, "I'm a poor scared little white girl who moved to the ghetto.......BUT I CAN KRUMP LIKE A MO FO."
Yeh. That one.

You know the one.

Thank you very much for tuning in, next week we discuss Guyland.

No wait that was today. And that wasn't me. And it was the radio. And it was an expert on Guys wanting to be guys. It is officially now called Guyland. Like it's an actual word. Referring to football playing, messy apartment, single guys who hang out with other guys (Example: Bromance, the new hit reality series featuring Brody Jenner) and be MANLY MEN.

I always just thought they were called homophobes afraid of commitment.
H.A.C.

Look it up.

Thank you very much
I am le out.

Still sick. BETTY!

I. Have been watching Ugly Betty for a day and a half straight.
I've lived off a smoothie all day.
And I'm still on my couch.
Is that wrong?
It feels a little wrong.
But at the same time it feels so right.

Except something smells severely like Sharpie.

I want jello shooters. And a headstrong scottish friend from the closet dept. of the magazine at which I work and my boss is super cool. And let's me go to all kinds of events and such....

Mika is playing in the club theyre in....and my feet are cold.

Mmmm smells like mono.

Get coverage at the right price!...?

Out of the blue. I am choking on my throat. I hope that sets a nice image for you. If you can picture what that feels like.
So I got a day off work. Life is so like that isn't it.
I like to think of it as......taking a mental health day. Not really that's just what the commercial that's on T.V. just said. I thought it fit well enough here. Although commercials do that to me. I can sit here and get totally sucked into an infomercial for like....the magic bullet and an hour later I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT. I NEED TO PUREE MY FOOD IN 3 SECONDS OR LESS!!!! I also need to "get coverage at the right price" 877 438 2211 DIRECT. Apparently only if I'm in the south eastern corner of the United States though. What is it will Canada STEALING TV FROM RANDOM OTHER PLACES?!?!
You know whats on channel 10 right now? MANDARIN NEWS.
After that? You know what it is? I don't know either cuz its in Arabic. Yep. Cultured right? Or just low on television.
Guess what else. Where there's a cable hookup, there's an EST and "Electronics system technician" Well I just looked outside and I don't see any good looking technicians. Or ANY for that matter.
I get the feeling the media might be feeding me lies.
....
....
NAAAAAH.


So to sum it all up.
I have strep.

Notes on Wings

I want wings.
Really badly.
Wings are sweet.
And I want them.
I also want a designer to adjust all my clothes to accommodate wings.

The end.