Theory on Mononucleosis. Oddly, not as boring as it sounds.

I have come across a new theory on Mononucleosis. That theory is this: It is a secret "instant-aging" mechanism for "kids" who are just TOO spry, happy, life-loving, what-have-you. I had it not too long ago and since then feel the strange urge to sleep 20 hours a day and my sit up count has gone significantly down. Yes, they warn you that it will suck up your energy for a while, but this is ridiculous. Instant. Aging. Machine. Nature's way of saying "stop being so young!" I mean it IS called "the kissing disease". Kiss too many boys (fun right?) (NOT ALLOWED) in your youth* and mother nature will get jealous and turn you old**.
I was all gung-ho about being like, "Hey, Mono, kiss my ass...if youcan CATCH IT AS I BACKFLIP AWAY!!!!" But sure enough...no backflips. Although one could argue that I couldn't do backflips to begin with. But that's not my point. My point is - Mono made me a senior citizen.
I should get into the movies cheap.
...Yes.

* FACT: Mono is most common in teenagers ages 13-19 (prime funtime youngun years) and in boys (the more rowdy energetic "fun" type, if you'll excuse my generalizing)

**FACT: Loophole...you can't get mono twice...so if you've had mono, and are as well angry with Mother Nature for stealing your youthful glow...by all means kiss as many boys as you like. Snap, mother nature. Snap.

P.S.

P.S.

Today my horoscope told me to stay away from sharp objects....
ummm...what?

Flying on a motorcycle and other ways to remedy a bad day

It's amazing how a long day at work in hot hot heat can make you into a horrible person. The moment we closed today I let out a few screams which, I'm sure frightened the remaining people on the deck outside...once I realized the doors were still open to allow ventilation...
It is also amazing, though, how a jump in the ocean and a motorcycle ride can totally remedy that feeling. The ocean here was warm today and me and my coworker jumped right in, ignoring the passing float planes and boats. I then sat my wet shorts on the back of a bike and rode around the island for a good half hour or so. If you close your eyes, its pretty darned close to flying. When I was little it was just that semi scary ride that my mother didn't feel comfortable letting my sister and I go on. Now it's...yeah...flying.
So in short, today I screamed at innocent people, jumped in the ocean, and flew around an island. no big deal. Oh and I also wrote allllll about it because I'm pretty sure everone on the planet is dying to know what I did with my day.

Well here's what other people did with THEIR days...

An old homeless man circled a cafe all day finding new and creative excuses as to why he shold get free coffee. A kid got his finger slammed in a sliding case door and cried about it...10 minutes later...A stranger tried in vain to get a girl's number (quite obnoxiously) for about 15 minutes until being rejected via flying burrito, and I'm SURE Megan Fox did something FASCINATING to every male inhabitant of planet earth.

Also in the news, French people are the worst tourists on earth, and Japanese people are the best. I'm not that surprised. American's can be frustrating tourists but they tend to tip well, whereas apparently the French do not. I'm pretty sure everytime there is an article about obnoxious people from foreign countries, it is almost always about the French. Ze Frrrrench. I personally love France. And croissants, and baguettes, and all the other French things that go along with it. France is pretty much a sweet place, and the citizens just happen to know it. Which makes them less sweet tourists, as it turns out.

Anyway, before I spark a big riot of angry frenchmen I will move on to say only this...

I'm tired.
No links, no photos. No nothing. Just a short little rant about how most things in the news annoy me.

au revoir mes amis

Or whatever the term is...

Today was beautiful, and Megan Fox still frightens people.

I'm going to start out on a good note here, before I turn to my usual sarcastic dark side...Just because today was beautiful to say the least..

Today smells like the ocean. Sometimes it doesn't so much. Every now and then, though, the whole island really does. Some people don't like it, but I do. I'm not gonna go bathe in it or anything, but it's sort of a refreshing reminder of our surroundings I think. AND to top it all off with that storybook shimmer we all know and love, I can totally hear some kids playing hide and seek with their dad outside. Quaint. Meanwhile I am hiding away in my lair writing about it all AND I have totally forgotten my point, as I got distracted with a mildly entertaining YouTube video about Canada Day. Click here to see what distracted me and decide for yourself how funny or...unfunny it is. This just in, the hide and seek game going on next door is now "Game Over". In case anyone was wondering. These are the days when everyone wishes they were from this place. Everyone tells me how lucky I am to live here. And I am...but they don't know what it's like in the winter....Although some people love it in the winter too, personally I am loving the summer. And we DO get good summers here.

I'm not going to comment on the Michael Jackson memorial that was aired recently, but I will link these videos which...I have to say...made me shed a teeny tiny tear.
...Okay so I bawled my eyes out. Can you blame me?

Shaheen Jafargholi from Britain's Got Talent was one of the performers who stood out to me. Brooke Shields and Paris Jackson were also among the appearances who made a lasting impression on me.
The whole memorial is difficult to find online but can be seen in parts in YouTube.

Otherwise, the news these days isn't entirely shocking stuff. Lady Gaga wore a mask. Been done before. Although this time she apparently is obsessed with sex shop-esque clothing...Classy Gaga...Classy.
She is probably trying to find a "fashionista" way to cover her face after Kelly Osbourne called her butterface. "Everything looks great but-her-face"

Once again...The Osbournes are ever so classy.

So now Lady Gaga is trying to be like, "Yeah well I didn't take it personally, I just LIKE wearing fabric over my face to hide my deformities..."

It's okay, Gaga...everyone knows you're a little bit ugly....it happens.


Also in the "news" today, Obama was caught possibly checking someone out. Because since he is president he is therefore not human and also blind, it would seem. Also he never looks to either side of him....Also in his defense, the woman's rear end is covered in shiny shimmery purple fabric and it is PROTRUDING. You would have to be gay, blind, and probably dead NOT to notice it.

Plus, there was been a four year old tennis prodigy discovered, Britney Spears still looks like smoker-barbie-gone-asian in all her videos, Megan Fox is STILL that dark controversial sex symbol that no one REALLY likes, and Emma Watson realllly didn't like kissing Rupert Grint in the new Harry Potter movie.

The End.